Co-dependency is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Co-dependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships. Co-dependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, and/or control patterns. Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the co-dependent.

Co-dependency says:
I have little or no value.
Other persons and situations have all the value.
I must please all other people regardless of  the cost to  myself or my values.
I am to place myself to be used by others without protest.
I must give myself away.
If I claim any rights for myself, I am selfish.

On the surface, Christian teaching sounds a lot like co-dependency:
Co-dependents always put others first before themselves.
(Shouldn’t Christians do the same?)
Co-dependents give themselves away.
(Shouldn’t Christians do the same?)
Co-dependents martyr themselves.
(Shouldn’t Christians do the same?)

So, how do we distinguish between a co-dependent behaviour and mature Christian faith?

Motivation: does the individual act out of fear, guilt, a need to be needed
or ‘people pleasing’? OR give of oneself out of free will.

Service: does the individual act or react? Is service work, driven or directed? OR a joyful, balanced and loving decision to help others when appropriate.

Boundaries: does the individual create dependency with others by creating a
‘you can’t do this without me’ environment? OR setting healthy limits, and empowering
others to move toward independence.

Self-worth: is the individuals value tied up in helping others, doing for others
at the peril of their own health or needs? OR do they know that one has value
simply by being a human being - created by God.

Celebrate Recovery offers sound, Christian principles and steps that are practiced
in community to bring about healthy change to overcome the hurts, habits
and hang-ups of life.

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